I just finished Andy Stanley's book, Choosing To Cheat. Great book. The premise of the book is the struggle between work and family…one is going to be cheated because they both require variable attention. Both have measurable merit…you work hard the build and maintain your career, but you’ve also vowed to a wife and committed to a family that you love. Stanley’s question is which is going to feel cheated? Which will you choose to turn from and wholeheartedly devote your time and effort?
You do your job and love your family. (Col 3.23)
When you love your job and do your family, you’ve not only stepped outside the bounds of family life, you have stepped outside the will of God (74).
I came to Iowa to pursue a job that I was really enjoying…almost to the point where I lived and breathed my job. I now believe that recent circumstances with my job put me in a place where I disliked my job. And I can now better judge which side of the scale (family/work) I should be placing weight. At work, I’m replaceable by thousands of other people who are just as qualified (if not MORE qualified) than I, but, at home, I am irreplaceable.
Let’s face it...One day you will come home from the office for the last time. Nobody retires from his or her family to spend his or her final days in the office . . . What and who you come home to will be determined by what and who you choose to cheat between now and then (108). It is sad when a man or woman is forced out of an organization they bled for to return home to the family they have neglected (109).
Family wants to feel like they are accepted/my priority, not simply being the priority.
He uses the illustration of vehicle gauges that tell us the condition of our vehicle and if something needs attention. If you run out of gas, it’s your fault. What if family members had gauges on their foreheads that told you how they were doing—if they were in need of some extra attention—the “love tank” is almost empty, maybe things are really good? And when everyone’s gauge is low, you plan a vacation. The point of the vehicle gauges isn’t to tell if you if something is wrong or not…the point is to keep your car from shutting down.
Two things needed to make the U-turn:
Momentum—you might be spiraling down the wrong path, but you need to use that movement as a way to propel yourself toward the right direction.
Focus—you need to make a decision to redirect your momentum and stick with that choice no matter what. Making a choice based on a conviction and picking a direction removes options that may prevent avoiding the one correct direction. “Interestingly, the Latin root for the word, decidere, means 'to cut off'” (77). Giving up good things for what’s best.
When successful men and women reminisce, their defining moments professionally are never related to how many hours they worked . . . The sixty hours you work this week may not reap nearly the same productivity as the sixty hours you put in next week. Why? Because of things you have no control over (86-87).
Unfortunately, I’ve backed myself in a corner because some of my hobbies and personal enjoyments are daily tasks I perform within the context of work. More often than not, I work long weeks because I get caught up enjoying what I do, and that becomes my focus. It's selfishness...really.
But the opposite is true of family life . . . with family, success is always related to time. In the world of family you have far more control over the things that really make a difference (87).
